Tom (a peaceable academic, remember) enters a church to find a cardinal strung up and literally burning alive, then sees his cop friend viciously gunned down and only escapes the assassin’s bullets by diving into a scary, pitch-black cellar. It’s literally impossible to keep track of what’s happening, and the scriptwriter was clearly as confused as anyone.Īll this expository tomfoolery tips over into the absurd during a bizarre scene about half-way through. And they don’t stop for the whole film.įor a deadening first hour, the pair simply rush from church to church, spouting saints’ names and other religious gobbledygook to each other. As soon as the Hankster meets his obligatory foxy Italian sidekick (Ayelet Zurer), they start busily explaining plot points to each other in a way that doesn’t remotely resemble a human conversation. This sequel could easily have been called The Exposition Code. Hanks' hair: an unrecognisable follicle arrangement As such, and it’s hard to overstate this point, it’s a terrible fit for film adaptation. There’s a fundamental flaw at the heart of this non-movie, which is thus: Angels and Demons is a plot-heavy, labyrinthine novel – virtually a puzzle, in fact – with next to no characterisation. Sad to report, the problems don’t end with mere tonsorial matters. It’s dark, it’s impressively lustrous, but not really like any recognisable follicle arrangement you and I have ever come across. The Hankster’s barnet here is a prime example of the ‘Hollywood hair’ form.
And, as mentioned in this website’s review of The Expendables 2, it was often hard in that film to tell when Stallone was or wasn’t wearing a black woollen beret.) Indeed, Cage coiffure-watching is almost a spectator sport these days – his hairline seems to bob backwards and forwards like the tide. (Yes, we’re talking about you, Nicholas Cage and Sly Stallone. If that doesn’t make any sense to you, don’t worry – it’s because it doesn’t make any sense.Įnter expert symbologist Tom Hanks, sporting the kind of hair only ever seen on Hollywood men of a certain age. By using a powerful anti-matter bomb they nicked from priestly scientists who had been constructing it to help find the ‘God’ particle. They are threatening to kill one cardinal each hour then blow up Vatican City at midnight. The Pope’s been murdered and the four cardinals most likely to succeed him kidnapped by a shadowy, sinister sect called the Illuminati. There’s possibly not enough room on the internet to explain the full plot of this impenetrable book, but here’s a dummy’s guide.
Having already used the big – and famously nonsensical – bestseller, they had little choice but to go back to an earlier, even more incomprehensible novel. After The Da Vinci Code inexplicably made money, Hollywood was always going to squeeze a bit more out of the Dan Brown cash cow.
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